Why I Sometimes Act Like an Animal

A common complaint from creationists and other evolution deniers laments that teaching our children that they "come from monkeys" encourages them to believe they are "just animals" and so they might as well act that way.  It's no wonder, the creationists argue, that murder, teen pregnancy, abortion and other forms of monkey business are on the rise.

A logical person could point out that even if it were true that learning we are apes makes us act like hooligans, it is not evidence against our apishness.  Being an ugly man might hurt my feelings, but it won't make me prettier.  So even if the truth hurts, it is worth knowing about.

When asked by parents or students if I teach that we "came from apes," I virtually leap to my feet and shout.  "Of course not!" I exclaim, "I teach them we are apes!"  Sometimes this does not have the affect I'm hoping for, but nonetheless, I push on.

In fact, I'm easily offended when people in my life, my mother among them, say that when I'm behaving badly I'm acting like an animal.  The reason I get offended is because I like animals and I think it's unfair to compare the stately conduct of the average beast my impish ways.  For example, would an animal shave his brother-in-law's right eyebrow when he fell asleep during Thanksgiving dinner?  I think not.  But I can email pictures on request.

This article confirms my suspicions that animals, even tiny single-celled ones are more noble then we'd like to admit.  It seems that a Samonella bacteria will sometimes self-destruct when doing so will give its siblings an advantage.  When was the last time your mom did something so noble?  My mom would never do that for me.  Maybe for my brother...